I have the most amazing conversations with your husband. And I think you should be aware…
I don’t solicit the conversations. And you are my friend, so I tread carefully when these private conversations are initiated. I am not interested in pursuing an affair. But the next woman he turns to may not be as good of a friend to you. So I listen.
Let me begin by reassuring you that your man loves you. I know this, because I hear the pain behind his words. He doesn’t want to be talking to me. He wants to have this conversation with you. But for whatever reason he isn’t talking to you. Maybe he’s tried? Maybe he’s afraid you will reject him again? Maybe…
Regardless, I have a learned a lot about what a man feels is missing in his marriage.
Yes, he is a man, and most… no, ALL of these actions will point back to sex. If you’re not having sex, start there right now! (I am shocked to hear how little, if any, sexual attention your husband gets from you. LADIES! You have got to stop saying no to sex!!)
Now that we’ve got that out of the way… may I suggest:
- You have got to find your sexy. Your man NEEDS you to feel sexy! Take a burlesque class. Or a pole dance class. Or yoga. Anything that will put you back in touch with your body. Buy some sexy lingerie. Get a bikini wax. Whatever it takes to make you FEEL sexy. Because if you feel sexy, then you may be more motivated and open to have sex with your man.
- Be confident. Men find this very attractive apparently. Hot actually. They find a woman who is confident HOT! At least that is what they tell me. I may not know exactly what this looks like, or how to find it. But I think the more comfortable you are in your skin and your ability to accept who are has a lot to do with it.
- Be adventurous. You man desires some excitement. And not just in bed… In life overall (but in bed too!). Find fun things to do together that stray from your normal routine. Give up the dinner and tv/movie for a walk and a picnic. Or rent jet skis for an afternoon. Or try a new exotic restaurant. Need more ideas? Contact me and I’ll help you plan a fun adventurous date!
- Be vulnerable. This requires that you trust your man with those conversations that you don’t even like to have with yourself. What does passion look like to you. You may squirm and struggle for the right words at first. You may turn 40 shades of pink. But as you settle in to the conversation, your man will be completely captivated. And he will be listening intently. And he will be turned on by this new connection. And he will connect with you. That deepest part of you. And hopefully you will connect with him too!
- Make loving, intimate gestures. This should happen immediately following No. 4, but it should happen more frequently than just in those moments. Kiss him on the neck. Let your hands drift across body, especially the lower part of his body. 😉 Whisper in his ear. If you don’t know what he likes ask him. Ask “What does a night of passion look like to you?” Prod him for the smallest if details. And take note of his response. But be ready… Cause when you ask you are opening the door to another No. 4 conversation.
- Look him in the eye. It might take a minute or so to notice that he’s got your full attention. (And really, you may not hear what he is saying because all you hear inside of your head is a voice saying “Look him in the eye. Look him in the eye. Don’t look away. Look him in the eye.”) But he will notice. And his eyes will lock on yours. Keep looking. He’s connecting with your soul. His tough exterior will start to fade. He desires to have that eye contact with you.
- Ignite the fire. Your man wants… No, he NEEDS passion and desire. Have you figured that out yet? He wants that hot steamy sex scene you see in the movies or on your soap opera. He wants that with YOU! So next time he kisses you, kiss him back. And keep kissing him. And don’t pull away from him. Pin him against the wall. Clear the kitchen table. Step into the shower with your clothes on. When he told you how he defines passion or what he desires… do THAT.
- Finally, figure out what satisfies you. Your man wants you to enjoy sex as much as he does. Actually, he would prefer you enjoy it MORE than he does. He wants you to orgasm at least 3 times more than he does. Some of this may go back to No. 1. I think as women, we don’t like our bodies. We spend more time picking apart what we don’t like about them that we can’t hear the parts that we should be enjoying. Spend some time with your body. Figure out what turns you on and what satisfies you. When you figure it out, tell your man. Be vulnerable. And look him in the eye when you tell him. Or even better yet… show him.
Even if you don’t feel like doing any of these things, do them anyway. It kinda becomes one of those things that the more you do it, the more you will begin to enjoy it. Because if nothing else, your man will enjoy it. And he won’t have any reason to reach out to me. All his attention will be directed towards you. Where it should be.